Christmas and Atheists (Language Warning: Read at Your Own Risk)

Being in a philosophy department means routinely running up against Christian/Atheist/Agnostic issues. That gets a huge thumbs up from me. I love it. But because it happens so regularly, all of us have a rather lighthearted approach to the whole thing. I'm sure someone outside our very tiny world would be mildly offended at our glibness from time to time, but we dig it.

I say that to say this: I got an email today from one of my Christian friends in the dept. It was sent to 2 Christians (including myself), an atheist, and an agnostic. I give it to you with the only alterations being some of the profanity 'bleeped,' explanatory notes where needed, and names being changed to protect the guilty.

Language is a bit rough by church standards. Mild by philosophy department standards. Obviously tongue-in-cheek with a decent dose of thoughtfulness thrown in. I'd love your thoughts . . .

"As we have seen so many times, North [the atheist] and I have proven once again that if two people are on absolute ends of the spectrum, they actually meet on the other side (is this sounding continental?... I could only hope to sound that pretentious).

OK, some quick background.  North has taken the view that it is offensive to call the philosophy party a 'Christmas' party.  Han takes the line that he simply should not be offended.  And then North shreds his silly scrawny blond a** to shreds to the enjoyment of all present (and those of us not present as we later hear the story).   

So, I have been mulling this over for a bit and recently decided that I agree with North (as is often the case) but for entirely different reasons (as is often the case).  Here is my line:

Why in the h*** should we Christians have to share our great

Holiday

with atheists?  Only those of us who have been washed in the blood of the lamb should get to use the word 'Christmas'.  That means that the rest of the world of non-Christians are forbidden from enjoying our great holiday in any way, shape, or form.  So, no St. Nick (the early church father who punched out one of the heretics at an early church council meeting), no lights, no trees.  If you ain't a Born again, fundamentalist Christian, you don't get s*** for Christmas.  So, 'Christmas' and everything associated with it is simply off limits for all atheists, pseudo-Christians, and pansy-a** liberal Christians.  If you don't believe that Jesus physically rose from the dead, no Christmas for you (in soup Nazi voice).    

Just think how this will benefit our economy with 70 to 80 percent of the U.S population actually working this week and taking no time off. 

Just thought I would pass this on to you.

So it is spoken; so let it be!

"

Comments

[Justin]

The idea of keeping the consumeristic orgy known as Christmas to ourselves is probably the most compassionate thing we could do for the non-christian folk.

By the way, it seems as though the 'merry christmas' vs. 'happy holidays' debate has died down a bit this year. Thank God. Last year made me want to stab a fork in my eye. The idea that the rest of the world should have to conform to our opinions on salutations just wreaks of Christmas spirit.

[Lebanon Pride Gifts boy]

Bless you this New Year from the city of Jerusalem, the city of Jesus Christ, although I am a Muslim youth, but this did not prevent the celebration of the new year and the birth of Jesus Christ-peace be upon him, I wish prosperity and happiness of all the inhabitants of the land and freedom for people in the occupied Palestinian territories.

[Colin]

I think your friend is genius and I think Frank Costanza in all his genius may have paved the way...I think you need to start plugging Festivus, as an atheist alternative to Christmas, on wiredparish.

[Katherine]

I actually am friends with a girl who is opposite to me in almost everything but our bond in Christ. That is where we meet on the opposite side. :)
"No Christmas for you" made me laugh.